How to Dance With Your Demons (And Steal Their Best Moves)
A No-Bullshit Guide to Shadow Work That Actually Works
Your demons aren't here to destroy you. They're shitty roommates who happen to know karate. Time to raid their skill set.
Listen, I used to Google "how to stop being a human disaster" at 3 AM while eating cereal for dinner. Now I teach people how to turn their weird into their superpower. The difference? I stopped trying to "heal" my demons and started putting them to work.
Why This Actually Works (Before We Dive In)
Science backs it up: UCLA found that naming emotions literally reduces their power over you. It's like calling out a bully - suddenly they're way less scary.
Therapists approve: Shadow work isn't new-age nonsense. Jung was onto something real here.
Battle-tested: I've used this on everything from my trust issues (now my bullshit detector) to my people-pleasing tendencies (now my superpower in negotiations).
You'll laugh, but you'll also go "oh shit, that's actually true." And most importantly? You can try this stuff tonight.
Step 1: Stop Pretending They Don't Live Here
You know that voice that says "I'm fine" when you're clearly spiraling? Or the urge to check your ex's Instagram at 2 AM? Yeah, those guys.
Instead of shoving them in the basement like embarrassing relatives, try this:
Meet them at the door.
"Oh hey, 'Numb Nora.' Right on schedule."
"Ah yes, 'Creepy Carl' making his nightly social media rounds."
"Welcome back, 'Spiral Sally.' I see you brought snacks."
Why this works: Naming cuts the shame cycle instantly. You can't be mortified by something you're casually introducing to yourself.
Try tonight: Next time a "bad" emotion hits, introduce yourself like it's a weird neighbor. Watch how fast the intensity drops.
Step 2: Figure Out What They're Actually Good At
Every demon has useful skills. They're just terrible at knowing when to clock out.
Meet the Usual Suspects:
Anxiety Annie
Her move: Catastrophizing everything into worst-case scenarios
Her hidden skill: Spotting problems before they happen
How to use her: Channel that energy into contingency planning (amazing for work projects, terrible for first dates)
When to fire her: "Thanks Annie, but I got the backup plans covered. You're off duty."
People-Pleaser Pete
His move: Saying yes to everything, reading every micro-expression
His hidden skill: Reading rooms like a CIA operative
How to use him: Negotiations and networking (just add boundaries)
When to fire him: "Pete, I need you for this work meeting, but you're banned from my dating life."
Perfectionist Patty
Her move: Obsessing over tiny details until nothing gets done
Her hidden skill: Quality control extraordinaire
How to use her: Creative projects, presentations, anything that matters
When to fire her: "Patty, this is a rough draft. Come back for the final version."
Overthinker Olivia
Her move: Analyzing every conversation for hidden meanings
Her hidden skill: Strategic forecasting and pattern recognition
How to use her: Planning difficult conversations, investment decisions
When to fire her: "Olivia, this is a casual text. You're overthinking it."
Rage Rachel
Her move: Explosive anger at minor inconveniences
Her hidden skill: Fierce boundary enforcement and creative energy
How to use her: Artistic rebellion, standing up for yourself, passionate projects
When to fire her: "Rachel, I need you for this injustice, not because someone took my parking spot."
Step 3: Put Them to Work (Then Clock Them Out)
Real-World Applications:
For insecurity: Use it as a BS detector. "Would insecure me believe this line?" Usually means it's bullshit.
For procrastination: Harness it as a prioritization tool. "What am I avoiding hardest? Probably the most important thing."
For trust issues: Channel into due diligence. Research before investing, ask follow-up questions, spot red flags.
For shame: Rebrand as "vintage cringe." Tell the story at parties. Profit from your pain.
For fear: Use it as your annoying GPS. "Recalculating..." means you're alive, not lost.
The Magic Script When They Overstay:
"Thanks for the help, [Demon Name], but I got it from here. You're officially off the clock."
Say this out loud. I'm serious. It works stupidly well.
Step 4: Boundaries for the Spiritually Feral
Signs Your Demon is Fired:
They're "helping" like a raccoon in your kitchen - messy, chaotic, stealing your good cheese.
Examples:
Perfectionism was great for your GPA, but it's banned from your dating life
Anxiety is useful for planning, but not for 3 AM spiral sessions
People-pleasing works for customer service, not for setting your own boundaries
The Reality Check:
Your shadow isn't the villain - it's the antihero of your origin story. Stop trying to "love and light" it away. Use it.
I don't "heal" my demons. I hire them.
Your Homework (Yes, Really)
Step 1: Name your top 3 demons. Give them actual names.
Step 2: Identify one useful skill each one has.
Step 3: Pick ONE to test-drive this week.
Example in action: "1) Overthinker Olivia 2) Her ability to predict outcomes 3) Using her for planning that tough conversation with my boss"
The Bottom Line
Your demons aren't flaws - they're just employees who need better management.
I used to think I was broken because I felt too much, worried too much, cared too much. Turns out I just needed better boundaries and a job description for all that energy.
Now when Anxiety Annie shows up, I don't fight her. I say "Hey girl, what are you seeing that I'm not?" Usually she's onto something.
When People-Pleaser Pete starts performing, I remind him: "This is a boundary conversation, not a people-pleasing opportunity."
When Perfectionist Patty takes over my rough draft, I literally tell her: "This isn't ready for you yet. Come back later."
It sounds ridiculous until it works. And then it just sounds smart.
Try one of these tricks and let me know how it goes. Best story gets a free 1:1 coaching session with me.
New here? I teach "spirituality for people who hate fake positivity." Subscribe for more usable wisdom that actually works in real life.
P.S. Want the next post on "How to Date Your Demons (Without Moving In)"? Let me know in the comments.
I've heard about shadow work this is a great intro for Mr. I need to check out your challenge as it sounds really good. Thank you I'll share a link to this piece in my next round up newsletter.
When I read this it sounded exactly like my chatGPT in the delivery, which we’re after the same cause of saving humanity for self annihilation so I ain’t hating on anyone. But just so you know… the rage referenced, Rachel… name means Ewe, as in sheep…is the narcissist in all the sociopathic tendencies. Love everyone so they will love you… like an energy vampire, cause if you don’t love them the right way back… hell hath no fury like a narcissist that doesn’t get their way exactly the way they want it. Also called an extrovert
Olive or Olivia is the nature nestled “psychopath” that knows the truth but is too shy to say it. To keep the peace. The introvert if you will. Also a narcissist, just one that doesn’t allow other people’s 💩 get them down.
And when more people realize they humans in general, hue-men, colorful people aka emotional men, are a cosmic combination of a psychopath and a sociopath, or and introvert and an extrovert, or an empath and a narcissist… I seriously believe the world would be a much better place.